Thanks :) I know of at least one spot where the arrangement hitches, where the chorus ends and the second verse begins, but where else did you think it fell apart?

Brilliant start, the energy and momentum grab you immediately. Love the bass line too. The arrangement kinda falls apart in places and a couple sections really don't quite work with that aggressive theme you start with. But as you noted you're still looking for a good bridge and this is a work in progress.

I've got some lyrics, but I'm not entirely satisfied with them; I welcome the offer of help :) I'll send you a link to the FLAC-encoded PCM file.

It is missing something. Lyrics could help. With the heavy lead though I see it more minimal then your other tracks. I could try something out, though I'd recommend uploading a higher bit rate if you can for a better mix.